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The fight against bullying and prejudice.

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Viewing 13 posts - 1 through 13 (of 13 total)
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  • #31092
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    CBS WKBT News Anchor's On-Air Respsonse to Viewer Calling Her Fat (Oct. 2nd, 2012) – YouTube

    Helping overcome obesity problems – Hoop UK

    These two articles are linked and about the growing problem of obesity related bullying. I’m so proud of the way the news anchor person dealt with it. As I have said on Facebook, these nasty, spiteful little bullies hide behind the anonimity of the internet. They humiliate and hurt people they don’t even know. They need to be stamped out – like smallpox!

    These opinions are entirely my own and nothing to do with Streamline Surgical LLP, just for the record ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Doodah x

    #47494
    Whitey
    Member

    Doodah you are so right!! Maybe incidents like this should be treated as ‘Hate Crime’ and reported as a crime. Hate incidents are acts of violence or hostility against people because of who they are or who someone thinks they are. They can include verbal or physical abuse, including name calling, threatening behaviour or actual violence. We all need to stand up and not accept this treatment.

    #47486
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Hi Whitey. I’m so glad you agree. ALL bullying needs to be stamped out. Unfortunately, the internet can be used as a shield to ‘Trolls’ who like to prey on the vulnerable. However, it should also be remembered that the internet also allows people like us to find support and friendship when we are feeling lonely and alone. It really is a double edged sword.

    By uniting to stamp out bullies, we can prove that most people are good, kind and supportive.

    #47496
    flabulous
    Member

    @Doodah 25668 wrote:

    CBS WKBT News Anchor’s On-Air Respsonse to Viewer Calling Her Fat (Oct. 2nd, 2012) – YouTube

    Helping overcome obesity problems – Hoop UK

    These two articles are linked and about the growing problem of obesity related bullying. I’m so proud of the way the news anchor person dealt with it. As I have said on Facebook, these nasty, spiteful little bullies hide behind the anonimity of the internet. They humiliate and hurt people they don’t even know. They need to be stamped out – like smallpox!

    These opinions are entirely my own and nothing to do with Streamline Surgical LLP, just for the record ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Doodah x

    Hi Doodah.
    I’m a

    #47497
    flabulous
    Member

    Hi Doodah.
    I’m new to this site so please bear with me if I make mistakes ๐Ÿ™‚ thank you for highlighting this issue. One of the toughest things about being overweight is people feeling they have the right to slate me because of my weight yet I feel they’re also the very people judging me when I mentioned the lapband. As a result I’ve not told anyone but my immediate family that I will be banded on 19th of Nicember. Thanks again xx

    #47491
    78rpm
    Member

    I have to agree and the trouble is it can be anyone who does it. Now I am a lot thinner from my op people will give me some horrible descriptions of what I used to be size wise and they dont think that it still doesnt hurt to be reminded of what I did to my self, alsowhat they must have thoughht of me but not said at the time. As with a lot of other post op bariatrics there is always that amazment that I am now the size I am and having to believe it. So I am all for peeps being told about the attitude they have to larger people. With the thought always there that they dont know why that person is larger it could be medical reason or a protection against some form of abuse or a cry for some help.

    I also thank Shaw somers almost everyday for giving me the tools to help myself and improve my life and get back to where I should have been all along ๐Ÿ™‚

    rgds

    Jay

    #47487
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @78rpm 26103 wrote:

    I have to agree and the trouble is it can be anyone who does it. Now I am a lot thinner from my op people will give me some horrible descriptions of what I used to be size wise and they dont think that it still doesnt hurt to be reminded of what I did to my self, alsowhat they must have thoughht of me but not said at the time. As with a lot of other post op bariatrics there is always that amazment that I am now the size I am and having to believe it. So I am all for peeps being told about the attitude they have to larger people. With the thought always there that they dont know why that person is larger it could be medical reason or a protection against some form of abuse or a cry for some help.

    I also thank Shaw somers almost everyday for giving me the tools to help myself and improve my life and get back to where I should have been all along ๐Ÿ™‚

    rgds

    Jay

    Hi Jay

    Why DO people think they can tell you how awful they thought you looked before – once you have lost weight?

    I was once at a really swanky event full of ‘celebrities’ and sports people (I got to meet David Ginola, swoon!) for a family get together. A member of the family pipes up with ‘Doesnt Sue look fab? You should have seen her a year ago, she was absolutely enormous weren’t you Sue: no offence and all that’. I replied ‘Oh, loads taken’. She was so dull headed that she didn’t even notice what I had said and went on to list all the things I couldn’t do before. Every single person on that table was stunned and just kept looking at me to see if I was going to say anyhting else. I didn’t. I wasn’t going to qualify what she was saying.

    OK, it could have been seen as a back handed compliment with no ill-intention but if I was the sensitive type, it could have ruined my whole evening. I refused to let it and decided instead to maintain my dignity. The good thing to come of it was that quite a few people later came to ask me how I did it and I got the chance to champion wls as the fantastic tool it is!

    So, please be aware that even when you are nice and slim, healthy and happy, some people (even family and friends) will never let you forget how you used to be. When/if they do, maybe you should re think who you need in your life from now on ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Doodha x

    #47492
    78rpm
    Member

    I have to say even my wife who has been a massive support does compare me a lot of the time with the person I used to be although it is in a positive way it doesnt help me move and keep my head in my new thinner person. I guess a lot of people dont understand that although we may have moved on in body we still know what it was like to be the larger person and they dont always understand what made us that person.

    Jay

    #47488
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Hi Jay

    Thank you SO much for highlighting this crucial yet often overlooked issue.

    I believe that most obese people will ‘feel’ obese inside for the rest of their lives, even after reaching their goal. I am over four years post op but in my head is the notion: ‘Once a fattie, always a fattie’. I still consider myself to be a ‘recovering’ fat person every bit as much as an alcoholic, smoker or drug addict would. My Mum gave up smoking 15 years ago due to a health scare (thank goodness she did as she now has severe COPD) but classes herself as a ‘Non-smoking smoker’.

    I still check out the seating at restaurants, buy premier seats at the cinema and have a micro second of panic if I am a passenger in someone else’s car as I worry the seat belt won’t go round me.

    Jay you say that your supportive wife compares the new to the old you. Does that mean that she now compares the new you favourably to the old and it makes you feel upset for the old you? I know I haven’t worded that very well but what I am trying to say is, do you feel sorry for the old you when someone critises him? If that is so, I am right there with you. When friends or family poke (gentle) fun at the old me, sometimes I get really defensive. Someone recently asked me ‘What do you feel when you see old pictures of yourself – did you realise how awful you looked?’!! I don’t know what they were expecting me to say but I replied ‘Actually, I feel sorry for her. She looks unhealthy, unhappy and un loved.’ My honest reply really shocked them. It was as if I had directly accused them of not loving me. It isn’t what I meant entirely but I felt such an overwhelming need to defend my former self that it just came out.

    Of course what I really meant was that I didn’t love myself either. I’ve since had 3 years of therapy and I no longer feel like that. However, this was many years before I had my bypass. By learning to like myself, I allowed myself to be rescued from my prison of obesity with the help of wls and a wonderful surgeon and his team.

    Sorry for waffling on Jay, but I think your point is so important that it prompted me to share my own experiences too. I hope others on here will do the same. Only WE know the struggle that goes on in our heads every single day. That’s also the reason I get so angry when people say that wls in the ‘easy option’. Is it heck as like!

    Doodah x

    #47495
    Whitey
    Member

    I totally agree with all your comments. I think we are still the same person regardless of being fat or thin and are very protective of our old selves. People don’t seem to realise how hurtful their comments can be. I was told by a ‘friend’ that I dressed very well for a fat person! I know she didn’t mean to be hurtful but how would she feel if I told her she dressed well for an old person! My most upsetting comments came from my mum during my teenage years when she would say things like “you’ve got such a pretty face….” which I always thought meant shame about the rest of you. I’m wondering if I do need some form of therapy as after losing almost 5 & a half stones I don’t feel I look much different and despite buying new smaller clothes going from size 28 to size 20 I will always pick up larger clothes to try on. It is almost like I don’t see the new me. I still have a long way to go but I feel my head is still lagging behind my body.

    #47489
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @Whitey 26459 wrote:

    I totally agree with all your comments. I think we are still the same person regardless of being fat or thin and are very protective of our old selves. People don’t seem to realise how hurtful their comments can be. I was told by a ‘friend’ that I dressed very well for a fat person! I know she didn’t mean to be hurtful but how would she feel if I told her she dressed well for an old person! My most upsetting comments came from my mum during my teenage years when she would say things like “you’ve got such a pretty face….” which I always thought meant shame about the rest of you. I’m wondering if I do need some form of therapy as after losing almost 5 & a half stones I don’t feel I look much different and despite buying new smaller clothes going from size 28 to size 20 I will always pick up larger clothes to try on. It is almost like I don’t see the new me. I still have a long way to go but I feel my head is still lagging behind my body.

    Hi Whitey

    This is such a common problem. We lose weight so fast that it takes longer for our heads to catch up. No matter what our age or gender. I have a 29 year old male friend who has lost over TWENTY stones in four years. He still has trouble realising that he is now a slim person – very slim indeed!

    I always had the ‘Oh, but you have such a pretty face…’ said to me too. I always waited for the ‘Shame about the body’. My Uncle even said to my husband whilst pointing at a pic of me (when we first starting dating) ‘Blimey, you thought you were getting this and you ended up with that.’ pointing at me. Can you believe that?! My husband just said ‘It’s the same girl you moron!’ Is it any wonder I used to feel worthless and unloved?

    I would recommend therapy or counselling to everyone. I learned why I became 26 stone and a size 34. It’s a deeply personal issue and about the only thing I am unwilling to share, suffice to say, I would put money on the fact that many of you share the same reasons.

    We need to all join together on this and make sure that people realise that, even though our outer self changes, our true inner self is still there and still as vulnerable.

    Doodah x

    #47493
    78rpm
    Member

    Dont worry no one is wafflling on ๐Ÿ™‚

    I have to agree that it does make you feel sad and sorry when people you love and are supportive criticize the old you even in comparison to the new you. Becasuse as you say we were that old person as well and the reasons fo rbeing the old person can still be around in other forms. I know what you say about likeing / not liking yourself I’m still very critical of myself and always attirbute my weight loss to the surgery and never give my self any credit for doing the right things to help it help me as a tool to change. Your comment of I actually feel sorry for her etc really hits home as I look back on the unhappy angry self critical person I was and I realise what a journey it has been so far and that it isnt completed by any stretch of the imagination. I find that I still have to think about cloth sizes and have only recently stopped buying a size or 2 too big on trousers. I am also critical of my some of my shape when I shouldnt be in comparison frm my starting point.

    Well Im waffling now lol

    rgds

    Jay

    #47490
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Thanks for this post Jay.

    I think your point about being angry is really relevent to most of us. I was angry with myself, with life and even with my family for not stopping me from eating! I’m glad to be rid of all that negativity. You also made a hugely important point about not giving ourselves enough credit. The surgeons are the first people to say that weight loss is about team work – with ourselves as the captain. They give us the help/support/tools we need but we have to do the work ourselves. We should all be so proud of the effort we have made to ensure our new lives are happier and healthier.

    Shall we all have a bit of a waffle on this one haha!?

    Doodah x

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