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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 18 total)
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  • #31504
    treeza
    Member

    Sorry but I’m about to have a rant but I need to let this out. All my life probably from my first memories I have always thought of others way before myself sometimes to my detriment. I held onto my own stresses, sadness & worries to shoulder others woo’s. Since having my surgery 12 weeks ago I had to be kind to myself, do what’s right for me & basically be selfish! My goodness how quick you learn that people do not repay that kindness. I have learnt who my true friends are! Some have been a huge shock! You learn something everyday! I’m feeling very sad & let down. However at least I know now. :0(x

    #50810
    treeza
    Member

    Guys I’m so sorry for this post I was just feeling sorry for myself. Was trying to delete it but can’t work out how to! One way & another I’ve had a rubbish week & I’m sorry to vent on here.

    #50816
    Anonymous
    Guest

    Don’t feel the need to apologise Treeza!

    I’m glad you said it the way it is. Perhaps these people are not worth your time and kindness Hun, I have definatley found that spending less time with people who stress me out is beneficial to my well being

    Sometimes it’s good to let it all out – better than letting it fester and pulling you down.

    Chin up – it’s the weekend … Relax and enjoy x

    #50802
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @treeza 29587 wrote:

    Sorry but I’m about to have a rant but I need to let this out. All my life probably from my first memories I have always thought of others way before myself sometimes to my detriment. I held onto my own stresses, sadness & worries to shoulder others woo’s. Since having my surgery 12 weeks ago I had to be kind to myself, do what’s right for me & basically be selfish! My goodness how quick you learn that people do not repay that kindness. I have learnt who my true friends are! Some have been a huge shock! You learn something everyday! I’m feeling very sad & let down. However at least I know now. :0(x

    Treeza, I am delighted that you have posted this. Not because you are feeling so sad but because it shows that you are finally putting yourself first for once, despite some of the negative reactions you are experiencing. I’m also pleased that you feel you have somewhere to vent where you will NEVER be judged.

    I am over five years post wls and I am still losing friends I thought were for life. It is heartbreaking initially but after a while you feel better because you find out who your REAL friends are.

    There must be a huge element of jealousy to contend with too. We try to make sure our patients understand that not everyone will be delighted for you. Your success and improved health and esteem will be a niggling reminder to them that they might need to do the same in their lives. Your real friends will be so happy for you that they will almost feel like it is rubbing off on them!

    Not one of my dearest ‘old’ friends of 40+ years standing has been jealous of my weight loss and improved life. They have celebrated it with me and made me feel wonderful. It has been the friends who came into my life later (or after wls) that have decided that they no longer want to be in my life. It hurts like hell but I turn to my oldest friends for comfort.

    This is also where support groups come into their own. Everyone there will be so happy for you that you may even feel comfortable enough to have a little ‘Yay, go ME’ with them! It’s not boasting, it’s just sharing a life changing and improving time in your life with supportive, positive and understanding group of people.

    When I see people going from being scared and unhappy pre op to being happy and healthier post op it totally makes my day. Someone once asked me if I got jealous when other people lost more weight than me!! Are you KIDDING me? I LOVE it. I think it says quite a bit about the person asking me that question.

    Don’t ever apologise for having a rant on here Treeza. It’s what it’s here for.

    Enjoy your weekend and be proud of the fact that it’s everyone else changing – not you. If people aren’t happy for you then they are not your friends. It’s a really tough lesson to learn I know but nothing in life is free so to speak.

    You are worth it, as the advert says!

    Doodah x

    ps Mr Chris Pring recommends this book by the psychologist Jenny Radcliffe:

    http://www.amazon.co.uk/Cut-Down-Size-Achieving-success/dp/0415683777

    I really must get it!

    #50811
    treeza
    Member

    Thank you for your comments & support. Doodah I’ve just ordered the book thank you.
    I think it’s seeing people how they really are that hurts. Doodah you are right I will find out who my really friends are it does make me very sad though & being the emotional & over sensitive monster that I am I well always blame myself for the loss of the friendship rather than blame them. Blimey I’m not even half way to my goal yet! Right I need to pull myself together. Thank you once again xxx

    #50803
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @treeza 29596 wrote:

    Thank you for your comments & support. Doodah I’ve just ordered the book thank you.
    I think it’s seeing people how they really are that hurts. Doodah you are right I will find out who my really friends are it does make me very sad though & being the emotional & over sensitive monster that I am I well always blame myself for the loss of the friendship rather than blame them. Blimey I’m not even half way to my goal yet! Right I need to pull myself together. Thank you once again xxx

    I think you have hit the nail right on the head there treeza. I would bet my LK Bennett (not a thing done lightly!) shoes that most of us on here would blame ourselves when things go wrong. It’s how we got to needing wls in the first place. Mourn your lost friends – then move on. You are being so brave telling us all this and i thank you from the bottom of my heart for doing so. You will help others in the process of helping yourself 😉

    Doodah x

    #50812
    treeza
    Member

    Wow the book arrived today! In less than 24 hours. Well done Amazon! What I’ve read looks good so far. Thanks for suggesting it Doodah x

    #50804
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @treeza 29601 wrote:

    Wow the book arrived today! In less than 24 hours. Well done Amazon! What I’ve read looks good so far. Thanks for suggesting it Doodah x

    Crikey, that IS good service! Thanks also to Chris Pring for going to the trouble of sourcing it for us all. I think we should all have a copy as, even if things are tickety boo, life’s unwritten rule is that it isn’t always like that! best to be prepared eh?

    Doodah x

    #50813
    treeza
    Member

    Could cry today! Have sore throat & street if cold having just had 3 days of the worst toothache ever! Now at work :0( add into that the lost of a so called good friend who hasn’t once asked how I am or commented on my weight loss!!! Heartbroken & know I should just move on but it so hard! People I barely know are saying such wonderful things & yet someone I thought of as family can’t bring themselves to be happy for me!

    #50814
    treeza
    Member

    Should say start of a cold!

    #50817
    audrasharon
    Member

    Treeza, people are funny things, but they can also be hurtful without even trying. Normally hurting someone by saying nothing or something negative is more about that person than you. However when we are vulnerable it can be hard to see this. Next time you see that person deal with it head on say “well how do you think I’m doing then?” Listen, smile and walk away with your head held high! Your in control and doing amazingly. However I’d wait till the cold has gone for full effect! 🙂 X

    #50815
    treeza
    Member

    Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect people to be saying anything (get embarrassed when they do to be honest) but someone who is meant to be one of my besties?! Hey I’m very lucky to have many friends just shocked & surprised! Thanks Audra x I think it’s just hurts more because I’m not feeling too great x

    #50818
    audrasharon
    Member
    treeza wrote:
    Don’t get me wrong I don’t expect people to be saying anything (get embarrassed when they do to be honest) but someone who is meant to be one of my besties?! Hey I’m very lucky to have many friends just shocked & surprised! Thanks Audra x I think it’s just hurts more because I’m not feeling too great x

    Yep everything seem worse when you don’t feel well. Still good to have somewhere you can say what you want to say! Hope that cold goes soon! X

    #50805
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @treeza 30153 wrote:

    Could cry today! Have sore throat & street if cold having just had 3 days of the worst toothache ever! Now at work :0( add into that the lost of a so called good friend who hasn’t once asked how I am or commented on my weight loss!!! Heartbroken & know I should just move on but it so hard! People I barely know are saying such wonderful things & yet someone I thought of as family can’t bring themselves to be happy for me!

    It is HEARTBREAKING Treeza and you have every right to feel upset. What you are actually feeling is bereavement. Someone you thought was loyal and true has turned out not to be so. As you know, I have experienced this several times and it sort of gets a bit easier but it never stops hurting.

    All I can say to you is this – your happiness and improved health is an obvious threat to your ‘friend’. That person is no friend of yours and never has been. Some people need a ‘fat’ friend to make themselves feel better. They don’t deserve your tears, thoughts or regrets. See them for what they are and learn from it. Don’t give your heart away so easily next time – let people EARN it. The friends who are delighted for you are keepers. Find more like that.

    You deserve better. Demand better. Expect better. YOU ARE WORTH MORE.

    Give yourself a big hug (along with one from me) and feel thankful that you found out what they were really like.

    Doodah x

    #50808
    Kimberly
    Participant

    I agree with doodah and Audra , it’s really more about them, and we never know what’s going on inside their head , they might be having a terrible time at home but don’t want to worry us, or they might just be self centered and want the spot light to be focus on them. Some people can’t manage change wanting every thing to stay the same. That more about them really . Your a caring inteligent woman working in a highly skilled stressful job . Some times we have to let go of people that are negative because it’s stops us moving forward

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