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August 13, 2010 at 6:20 pm #35861PhoenixMember
Not quite sure what has led you here but, sweetie, really there are a couple of things you can do to help you look at things from other perspectives so that you can then have more choices in how to deal with what you are facing.
You mentioned that things have come to a head with a friend…well friends are the brothers/sisters that we choose so fall outs are part and parcel of that relationship. Can you leave things for a few days and then stretch out the hand of friendship? Maybe what has happened has been a long time coming and the ‘friendship’ had worn thin??? If this is the case then grieve over it but don’t let it destroy any future friendships – you set your boundaries and you move on.
Money worries – something that most of us can identify with these days. Chunk them down in smaller, more manageable payments. Depending on how serious it is maybe some outside help from Citizens Advice or a Debt Counsellor may help, or even an IVA – get googling and see how much help there is out there.
It’s hard to feel good about ourselves when there is so much ‘stuff’ around us so stop beating yourself up, get out a pen & paper and start making some action notes.
Also, I’m a great believer in visualisation as a way of calming my mind – think about your ideal solutions to each of your challenges and write them down as if they had been achieved. For example, I have paid all my debts and I feel fantastic. This now allows me to ….. You get the idea. Keep it in the present tense and make it as compelling as you can so that it really feels like it has happened.
These are a few simple and effective things Mandy but they do require you to take part in them…so indulge yourself for as long as you want but then its time to start taking some action and getting back in control of your life.
Chin up hun….trust me, things are never as bad as we fear they are :kiss:August 13, 2010 at 6:30 pm #35755
came here really as didnt have anyone else to talk to.
freind issue,nope not any longer. ive tried really hard but its one thing after another. she treads all over me and then scares me into putting up with being used by her. more upset tonight as have had nasty txts. the money side is being sorted via community legal services but i worry so much about it. im struggling with the indulging /control side. as i have to do everything myself no help or just a hug from anyone.
im sorry that i posted. if i shouldnt have can someone delete it pls.August 13, 2010 at 6:33 pm #35788carolthecookMember
Oh Mandy…I feel for you and if I can help I will. Friends can let you down, family can be worse (or better) on occasions. The advice is always to take responsibilty and by that control which I know isn’t easy. You do have to be brave with this and you sometimes may seem reckless , but if your don’t change then the situation won’t either. If you keep doing the same thing then you’ll keep getting the same result. I know this and it took, for me, a 6 month break from home to break the deadlock. I haven’t solved everything but I sure am better. I have learned one lesson and it is sometimes to leave things be for a time…so leave your dispute or problems with your friend for awhile and see how they work out…she or he will be in as much anguish as yourself…time is a healer (even if it is cliched). Get out and see people though, staying in, is not the answer..we’ll help! Carol xAugust 13, 2010 at 6:59 pm #35808AndyMember
Just wanted to say sending big hugs your way, and thinking of you & if its ok praying for you as well.
Life can be really awful sometimes, but things can get better. I have been through some really tough times in my life, and although i have come through the other side, at the time it is very lonely & frightening when your’e going through it.
If you want to PM me please feel free.
AndyAugust 13, 2010 at 7:01 pm #35817SJMember
Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I am also not doing too well again this week – hard sometimes isn’t it?
Take care, hopefully meeting lots of new people at the tea party will brighten your spirits…
SJAugust 13, 2010 at 7:31 pm #35849BrainsMember
Just wanted you to know that there are lots of us thinking about you. Sorry things are tough for you currently.
Disagreements are hard with friends and family. Remember you are your own person and answer to yourself only.
Post whenever you want one of us is normally around.
Chin up tomorrow is another day xxx :grouphug:August 13, 2010 at 8:13 pm #35731ClaireMember
Can’t add any advice as it’s already been given, just want to send you big (((((((((hugs))))))))) and I hope things are looking up for you soon hun.
Lots of love
xxxAugust 13, 2010 at 8:19 pm #35732ClaireMember
Oh, wanted to share something with you that a friend of mine posted on facebook the other day…
“Depression is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you have been trying to be strong for too long”
It is so true and something that I’m sure rings true for many of us, so please don’t ever wish you hadn’t bothered us, we care about you and we’re here for you, if only virtually.
xxxAugust 13, 2010 at 8:36 pm #35860HoneyMember
Just want to say ‘hang on in there’, sounds so easy to say, and can be so difficult to do. If it is possible for you to go out, even for a walk, that can help some people, (there is some evidence apparently that our serotonin – ‘the happy hormone as it is sometimes called’ – levels are improved by the physical act of walking, and so helps lift our mood) I found it very helpful 15 or so years ago when I had a horrible and lengthy bout of depression, and I went out for a walk each day, which went from 10 mins to an hour eventually, and I found it really helped.
I also have to keep reminding myself that food is not my friend (but not my enemy either), it is fuel and not a comfort to me when I feel emotional/tired/cross etc. It can be really tough at times and I do so hope that things improve for you, my best wishes go with you.August 13, 2010 at 8:45 pm #35756
thankyou all so much.
ive been terrified to post cos thought i wasnt liked or wanted. even though a certain buzzy person tried to tell otherwise xxxAugust 13, 2010 at 9:23 pm #35707AnonymousGuest
Mandy is still a little embarressed about the original post….. Thankfully we are here to help, its not always a bed of roses or an easy journey which is why its so important firstly not to take anything to heart, never blame yourself if your not feeling 100%, this is an emotional journey for everyone.
What are we without our friends, who can we rant too when we need to let off steam if not here amougst people having to deal with the turmoil of weight loss surgery (and other things).
As I told you Mandy, nobody dislikes you (far from it), what we do to ourselves can be heartbreaking…. especailly when things get us down…. we blame ourselves…
Thankfully you have promissed me a date tomorrow….
If the sun does not shine…. you will.
All you need is a little encouragement, some time with friends and to make progress getting things sorted…. its going to happen Mandy, just have a little faith in yourself….. Your not alone all the time you have us.
I’m never a million miles away…. I can talk the kind leg off a donkey, just cant eat it lol…
Looking forward to tomorrow sweetheart….. 12.30 pick up…ish ok xxxx
Have a good night, sleep tight fear not…. your in safe hands ( you always have been, just might have lost your way a little, so the plan is to find it again) which you will…..
Buzz xxxAugust 13, 2010 at 9:24 pm #35862PhoenixMember
Hi Mandy – am glad you listened to the Buzz man…he seems to know what he is talking about!!! 😉 😀
Keep posting hun…with support you will get through these challenges xxxAugust 13, 2010 at 9:36 pm #35859cazzaMember
You are not alone we are all your friends on here messages don’t always have to be about weight loss any issues worries or problems one of your friends on here can relete to that in some way you will never be alone.
So it will never be a wasted post ever.
I’ve had a big rollercoaster over the years battled depression 15 years lots of treatment.
I lost my Dad & Gran both to cancer in 8 wks of each other along with my many health issues I have always tried to bottle things up and get on with it as I felt I had to but you don’t I did have some CBT and it made me think of so many things a differant way. If you have a good doctor it may be worth asking if you can get referred for some to help you through a tough patch.
I work in a financial difficulties department for LTSB if any advice I may be able to help with or any questions you can always pm me.
Chin up chick look forward to your hot date the the Buzz Man and shall hopefully meet you tomorrow.
CazzaAugust 14, 2010 at 8:16 am #35845neeneeMember
Sending you :grouphug: from us all your not alone i’m thinking and Praying for you if thats ok.
Just to say as well I know how you feel about money worries I’ve not mentioned it but my hubby just got two weeks notice we need to pay people back £££££ and if i think about it to much i may crumble all I can say thats helpping me is trying to be postive it will be ok everything will get sorted!
BE STRONG Mandy xxxxxxxxxAugust 14, 2010 at 10:13 am #35757
i just want to say a massive thankyou to you all.
i really thought i wasnt wanted which i actually feel ashamed about even thinking that 🙁
I had a horrible childhood,bullied and a mother who said it was always my fault. Then went onto work only to be bullied throughout.
I had a fantastic job riding racehorses only to have the boss calling me a terrible name .I went home and told my then husband that i would end my life if he made me go back. Ever since ive not really fitted in . had a job with steve but then fell off my horse,broke my wrist and was too scared to go back.
Id given up doing anything and just stayed in,the flat was a tip. Didnt have any freinds really and steve told me i didnt need any as i had him.
One day in may 2008 steve came home from work and by 9 was gone. I had to ring police to track down my brother (hes a policeman) but wasnt answering his phone. bless him he came straight down 50 miles at about midnight.
I had to sort everything on my own including my horse. he wouldnt answer phone or anything,a week later he says he wants me to move out. I didnt until 3 months later when i found somewhere for me and my cat tigger( mickley sadly died 2 wks after steve left)
dont get me wrong it was better as i couldnt afford mortgage and didnt want the repossesion worry.
Iam better than i was say 4yrs ago but sometimes just feel like i cant cope. Steve swans about in his car with his cushy job and his girlfreind he cheated on me with and sometimes just gets too much. ive been on tablets a long time and its mostly the anxiety that effects me now.
my op has changed my life for the better but i def was prepared. i researched everything over and over but didnt realise how hard going home to no one was.
my brother tried his hardest but works hard and is 50 miles away. rest of my family didnt want to know.
looking back guy and team saved my life in more ways than one.
thing is i still feel guilty,i gave him a terrible time,although alot of my symptoms were physchological it was real to me i was genuinly terrified. but it upsets me than i gave him so much greif,2nd op tests galore and poor man seing my name on his list. lol.
well thats me really,off for a bath ,dont think ill eat lunch getting nervous now . xx
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