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June 15, 2010 at 7:57 pm #30057
I am just back from a weekend with family and friends who I haven’t seen for some 8 months or more (in others words prior to surgery). The last time I saw some was at a family wedding where I was perhaps at my largest. My father commented (in a large voice) to his girlfriend and anyone else within earshot at the time ‘Carol used to be as slim as her daughter once, didn’t you dear’. At which I squirmed and resolved there and then to do something about my weight. I have now lost almost 5 stone and saw him again last weekend with another ‘new’ girlfriend. This time, despite the countless comments about my weight and how good I looked, he didn’t say a thing. I asked him on the phone tonight if he had noticed my weightloss….the response? ‘Well I don’t know if you have lost weight but you looked more picturesque’. B****y Norah! picturesque…isn’t that a view? I don’t want his validation or approval but don’t some people, including family make you want to spit nails? Thank heavens I didn’t tell him about my surgery because I suspect he will be the one to mention cheating etc etc. Sorry for the rant….need to get this off my chest!!!!!!!!
CAROLJune 15, 2010 at 8:07 pm #35074AnonymousGuest
Carol, think your BEAUTIFUL. and hope you feel beautiful too….
Unfortunatley Dad might be a bit preoccupied flling his boots, its just a great shame for all of your achievments and what you have done…
Trouble is be it family friends or aquantancies not everyone will understand why you have done what you have, comments can be hurtful and unkind but you know deep down just how special you are…
You will feel better for being more able…. Makes WOW moments even more special.
Just a shame it was your Dad that hurt your feelings… I am sorry..truley I am….
I would have said you were Pretty as a PICTURE… you are allowed to giggle as you think about what picture I have in mind….
You are beautiful and you know it……
XXXJune 15, 2010 at 8:10 pm #35075AnonymousGuest
GOD GIVE ME SPELL CHECKER PLEASE…should have been Carol, ” I ” think you are BEAUTIFUL….. dohJune 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm #35082
Oh Buzz, you are such a special person and say the most wonderful of things. Do you know I have never thought I was ugly but at the same time never really beautiful either so your comments mean a lot to me. I don’t know why I have let this bother me so much…I am the capable one in the family who everyone comes to for problem solving…the one who gets things done..doesn’t fail (other than with her weight in the past)…and who no-one thinks can’t cope…’you’ll be alright, you’re strong’ they say. Well, do you know, I am alright! In fact I am more than alright…I’m feeling very good! Good to rant once in a while isn’t it? Also good to express frailty once in a while too… Carol xJune 15, 2010 at 8:31 pm #35076AnonymousGuest
LOL we are the srtong and thick skinned ones arn’t we….
I have the same from the family, we are not indestructable huney, unfortunatley because we pick up all the pieces and handle the mayhem ..just sometimes it would be nice to be comforted and congratulated… once in a while it would be nice….
But you hit the nail on the head… were more often the strong ones, never waving or crumbling…
so on this occasion you are welcome to consider me a memebr of your DS family who will never put you down, someone who is here in your temporary moments of sadness..ok….lol…
Dont you worry none…. Dad ment no harm, just did not say what you wanted to hear…. but I did….
Dust yourself off..no real harm done…. Thick skin in place we progress..lol
Buzz xxxJune 15, 2010 at 8:34 pm #35085PreciousMember
It does seems like you Dad is a little pre-occupied with his women to perhaps notice! … But maybe we should look at it that in your Dads eyes, big or small you have always been beautiful and always will be. (I would like to think that that is the case). Sounds a bit like my brother, he has never had much tact and has often said things in the past about my weight, not realising that it hurts and compliments don’t come to easy with him either thats for sure!
Like you I have not told anyone about my op, when my brother sees me next and I am slim I know what he will say, ‘so how long til it goes back on this time?’ I can hear him now, it so annoys me … 🙁
You have done fantastic, and I am sure you look fantastic and feel fandabidozy … and thats whats important afterall. You are beautiful inside & out.
Precious xxx 🙂June 15, 2010 at 8:41 pm #35077AnonymousGuest
Must be a guy thing being insensative… perhaps buzz hung onto mums apron strings for too long….lol.
Dad was not watching footy when you phoned him was he Carol??? I often nod or shake my head at the wrong question during footy…..
Mrs Buzz laughs… or throws something…
Of all of the kids I expect Dad is proudest of you….. I know Mum buzz is of me 😉 😉June 15, 2010 at 10:05 pm #35084soluckyMember
I know parents have the ability to drive us to murderous thoughts at times, but as insensitive as they are, they secretly admire us, its just that we don’t hear the praise when we should. My darling mother has as no tact whatsoever bless her!! I took her out on Sunday, bearing in mind I’d lost 23lbs since being on the milk diet and she hadn’t seen me for almost two weeks, her exact words were ” Oh you look so well since your op, you can’t notice the weight loss that much really, but you look so well” !! Unbelievable, I was so gobsmaked I just took a deep breath and thought her cataracts are so obviously playing her up! Before the op she would always remind me of how much better I looked slimmer and made comments about carrying so much weight that wasn’t good for my heart!! (her idea of caring)! On the flip side of these uneccessary comments, I’m told by my sister that my mother never stops praising me and is very proud of me, so I guess being her daughter, she just feels she has the right to let me know exactly what I really don’t want to hear. I do love her but I just wish sometimes (and I’ve told her) to engage the brain before the mouth goes into action, which she thinks is funny……..aaargh!! Parents eh? Mind you if my dear dad was alive he would never even think to pass judgement.
xxJune 15, 2010 at 10:19 pm #35081ClaireMember
Yep – my Mum can be exactly the same at times – most of the time she is great – telling me how well I’m doing and how great I’m looking and how proud of me she is, but the other day, she said to me, when you get to your goal weight, your not going to just put all the weight back on again are you? AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!! I just give up sometimes and the look I shot her after that was enough for her to quickly apologise, but jeez!
Parents eh, can’t live with ’em, can’t sell ’em! 😉
xxxJune 16, 2010 at 5:40 am #35083
Thanks everyone for your hugely supportive comments. This morning my Dad’s comments seem almost laughable (which is probably what I should have done when he said them..laugh!) He rang me Buzz to help try and sort our the legalities of his latest divorce…he’s 77 for heaven’s sake! So you’re right he would have been preoccupied (even if it wasn’t the footie). We have a saying about the light being on but no-one being home and I also guess last night the lift didn’t go to the top of the building. However I do know he thinks I am clever and a great achiever (that’s why he comes to me for help) and I also know he used to try and motivate me when younger by telling me I couldn’t do something (like pass an exam!) so I would try extra hard to prove him wrong! Buzz, Precious, Solucky and Claire…welcome to my new extended family…if there were ‘family swap’ you would be high on the list…hadn’t considered selling Claire (what a solution that could be) and so very disappointed to hear that it is not viable. Carol xJune 26, 2010 at 8:55 pm #35078AnonymousGuest
Isn’t it sad that its normally our parents are this way?
They say the wrong thing, when really they need and probably want to tell you how proud of you they are….
I very much doubt any of our parents or family are disapointed, just not so good with words sometimes…
We like fools take it to heart, when nothing was really ment by an insensative comment…
Just have to take it on the chin, and put it down to age and the lift not working……
Temporarily out of order…lol
Your find all the praise here, all the motivation you need right here, amougst people sharing your journey…
Gotta love em…November 10, 2011 at 9:54 am #35088ruby tuesdayMember
I thought I would just share what I am going through, now the weight loss is showing. Firstly, I do tell shop assistants I am loosing weight, because I keep having to return clothes before I have worn them, and ask for a smaller size! One recently asked how I had done it, and I said smaller portions and excercise, to which she replied ‘Well that’s good to hear as so many people cheat and have a gastric band don’t they, etc.’ I was shocked, and walked away glad I don’t get into personal discussions about surgery with strangers!
Secondly, I have two younger sisters, who were around 6 and 7 when our Mum died, and although they lived with my step-dad, I have effectively been a Mum not a sister to them. The elder is very outspoken and difficult, and when we moved here to be nearer the family after 14 years away from them, she turned funny and broke off all contact, after accusing me amongst other things, of being mad. I had at that point manged to loose all my weight, and we were buying a new house, and trying to find jobs here, so a very stressful time anyway. She also told my other sister and step-dad it was all down to me, so it was very isolating, and I didn’t see my nephew for a year until she turned up, preganant again, and apologised. I don’t think I ever trusted here fully again after that.
I had arranged to have my nephews separately, two mornings over half-term, to do some cooking, and she turned up an hour late the first morning with the youngest, overslept, cancelled dental appt, re-arranged her plans to be taking the elder to pics to see Smurfs, and when I said I had done the cooking, thinking she wasn’t coming, and felt the younger would enjoy the pics more, she stropped off. Next morning, I was expecting the elder child, heard nothing and eventually went to dry my hair, then sent polite text. I got pages of vitriolic reply, they had been round, banged and rung bell, (door was unlocked so not sure why she didn’t come in), eldest child upset.
I phoned her at the end of the day when we came home, ignored all the nasty comments, and said I had been expecting the child, didn’t understand why I hadn’t heard door etc, and when she persisted in argueing, told her I wasn’t going to argue. She was adamnant I should have had the younger child the day before, even when I said she hadn’t let me know she was still coming so late, and wouldn’t listen to me trying to say I made other plans, and put the phone down on me. A further hateful text message followed, saying I was unreliable, and nasty again now I had lost weight like I was last time, when I didn’t talk to her for ages, and to grow up. I have had no contact since, and will not be going to hers for Christmas, and have to arrange to see the kids when they are with her ex. I told my sister and step-dad as I am not having lies told about me again, and they were non-commital and still supporting her as usual.
For me, this feels like your child turning against you, and I am stunned she has mentioned my weight loss as the cause of my expecting other people to show some manners and courtesy. So, not a happy time.November 10, 2011 at 10:10 am #35079DoodahKeymaster
Oh Ruby that is absolutely awful! I get a massive great whiff of jealousy from your sister. The worst part is that she is using the children as cannon fodder with which to shoot at you.
We are not responsible for how others react to what we do or say if we have made the effort not to be contentious or inflammatory. As for the shopp assistant – IGNORANT! So long as you know in your heart that what you are doing is right for you, try to ignore what others think. I’ve said it before on here, Yes, I have changed – back to the woman with whom nobody would dare mess! Maybe that’s what is happening to you? You have become assertive again and they don’t like it – you are less malliable (sp)
I have had to leave people I have known for 35+ years behind becuase they won’t/can’t support me on my weight loss journey. I hope it doesn’t com to that with you as this involves family.
I’m so sorry you are having a hard time. You don’t deserve it.
Doodah xxxxNovember 10, 2011 at 8:47 pm #35091luckyflowerMember
Ruby, so sorry you are going through this. It sounds like she does not like it when you are slim and associates this with the fall out last time. Doodah said it, maybe you are more assertive or maybe she is jealous.
The thing is this is your chosen route you put a lot of thought into this so please be kind to yourself!
The shop assistant don’t give her another thought she is not right, just ignorant as Doodah says.
I saw a new GP today for the antacid tabs, she said to me well done for taking control of your health!!! I was thrilled, she agreed no one else’s business!!!November 10, 2011 at 9:07 pm #35093hidesMember
We cant choose our families.(although many of us would like) How very sad, your sister is missing out . As for your nephews, i hope they grow up, and are able to stand up to their mother. I wont even waste my time on the sales assistant.
Sending a hug, stay strong.
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