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Guilt from syrgery?

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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 24 total)
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  • #30388
    pgoldsmith
    Member

    Hi

    I have been posting in other threads but would like to bring up the discussion topic about the feeling of guilt around ones surgery. I have had my band fitted just 4 days ago, my surgery was not totally straightforward and I feel very sore and have a lot of referred pain on my right side funnily not my left. However, as I lay awake not being able to sleep, I was feeling kind of bad about the impact this has had on people around me. My girlfriend has been great, and taken a couple of days off work, and I have asked a lot of her, she has bought in the right food. We have been for gentle strolls long the beach etc, but I feel like a 90 year old but am only 39!! Due to my band she has changed her eating habits, although she is not overweigh too.

    We used to have a romantic meal once or twice a week, roast dinner with the rest of the family and BBQs galore, now these seem superceeded by my surgery. I feel like I have made this decision and people are having to adapt, this was not what I set out to do but to improve my health and be more active with my loved ones as my weight was becoming an issue, (
    I started my WL journey at 19 stone, and need to be more like 11).
    My mum and sister have been very supportive, but I am thinking now more and more about this total life change. I know for me and the long term I needed to sort out my weight, but at the expense of other people? Am also thinking of my career, which is very important to me, having spent 9 years at Uni, and 12 years on the job. I hope I still have the energy and stamina will such a low cal intake to keep up!!!

    I was wondering if anyone else has experienced any if theses feelings?I want a happy life were food is not an issue and my band does not run my life

    Paul

    #39421
    kathc
    Member

    Wow Paul how honest you have been . I had bypass 9 weeks ago and have had similar feelings but I have to say after the initial period of getting used to the new ways it does get easier and I can still eat a roast dinner ( just not a huge plate full) , but maybe it’s re thinking time together as in maybe going to the cinema etc . I often find my friends apologising when eating something naughty in front of me and I say this is my restriction not theirs . It has all settled as time has gone on .

    Hope that helps

    Katherine .

    Sent from my iPhone using WLS FORUM

    #39420
    Doodah
    Keymaster

    Hi Paul

    I should like you to turn your view around 180o.

    You have made a decision to help you to live a longer, fuller healthier and happier life. A decision that will mean those who love and care for you will get to spend more, better quality time with you. I am willing to bet my best, most expensive handbag that they are absolutely delighted and grateful at the sacrifices you are making for them. They are probably MORE than happy to help you to adapt.

    You are recovering from MAJOR life changing surgery. Please, please give yourself a break. I 6 months time you will be brimming with new found health, optimism and self worth – everything else in your life will improve as a result. Be as kind and generous to yourself now, as you no doubt are with other people.

    Hope this helps. I’m 3 years post op and have lost 15st. My life has never been better, despite having exactly the same reservations as you do now!

    Love Doodah xx

    #39424
    ruby tuesday
    Member

    Dear Paul, I think these feelings are natural so soon after the surgery, especially if you are in some discomfort. I had very low energy after the first couple of weeks post-op, which still happens at times now, but know this will pass, and I get closer each day to being able to eat normal food, just in small quantities, which you will too. You will still be great in your job, and enjoy your social life, so don’t worry, just take these adjustments to your eating slowly, and understand that the body takes time to get back to normal. As the weight comes off, it will give you such a boost to your morale, that all will seem worthwhile, but for now, just rest, recover, and try not to look too far ahead, just one day at a time. xx

    #39435
    johncg
    Member

    Hi Paul

    I tossed and turned at spending money on surgery for my band…. I’m a very committed father husband and grandfather and I’m always buying for them I love to spoil them, soothe thought of spending on myself was unnatural for me but my family fully supported me and are very proud of me.. Now I hope to live linger so I can enjoy spending on them….

    Love John xxx

    #39431
    Nettie
    Member

    Hi Paul,

    There isn’t much for me to add to the very wise words offered by the others that have replied, you have done the right thing to address your weight, your life will change and you will have to make adjustments but these things will enhance your life and not ruin it. Take time to heal both your body and your mind. I felt guilty before and after surgery, I have a family who I wanted to spend the money on but I knew that I needed to address my obesity so I decided to put my health first, I still have times when I think I was selfish but overall I know that I have done the best thing for both me and those that I love. My band is my best friend and sometimes my worst enemy but I don’t regret 1 minute of it.

    Nettie xx

    #39440
    pgoldsmith
    Member

    Thanks everyone, it sounds like I am not unusual in having these kind of feelings and thoughts. I think culturally things need to change for me and some people around me.

    At the moment, although not feeling very hungry, food appears to be all around me, as I walk down the street, cooking shows on the TV, adverts in magazines, the smell
    In the air!! I need to deprioritize this in my life, how are thin people thin???? I exercise 2-3 times a week but have always been heavy. This is my chance to make it work for me, and I hope people see I am doing this for the right reason.

    Need to keep focused any diet tips, am sick of sloppy mash and soup!!!

    #39430
    Nettie
    Member

    You need to stay on the mash and soup for a while Paul, you don’t want to put too much strain on that newly sited band, a slipped band could result. Just take it easy with moving on through the textures, oh and the answer to the thin people question is they work at it, took me ages to realise that thin people have to control their eating just as much, that’s why they don’t have weight problems, they only eat in moderation end never in excess and they eat “naughty” food occasionally.

    Nettie xx

    #39434
    johncg
    Member

    I agree Nettie

    I look at thin people and to me they look they could do with a good meal…..

    But we all have a cross to bear… A guy at work who takes the Micky about my weight smokes 60 a day …. And stinks… At least I don’t stink….. And he preaches to me… Arse hole … Sorry I’m on one now….

    I’m getting the weight off so sod em… And I don’t stink, have greasy hair.. In fact I don’t have any hair!!!! Lol

    Gone a bit of track… Anyway what was I moaning about?… Ho yes I remember sloppy food… I hate sloppy food… Soup I hate soup… I can only eat one Ryvita since my fill… I’ll try some fish tomorrow like salmon… The tuna I had was a bit dry and come back up…..

    Good night all… John xx

    #39442
    Rosie Posie
    Member

    Hi All
    Just been reading all your comments and agree totally. You have made me laugh and cry had all the same feelings. Been sick for days now, my mind wants food and my body is rejecting it. Only thing to stay down is porridge the one thing I hate lol. Well here to breakfast tomorrow (porridge). And John hats off to you, you gave me the best laugh I’ve had today, after my 14.5 hours shift.
    Love Rosie x

    Sent from my iPad using WLS FORUM

    #39428
    Nettie
    Member

    Wish my body was still rejecting the food, the temporary restriction I had post fill has gone and I’m back to being able to eat anything again 🙁 xx

    #39433
    johncg
    Member

    Nettie.

    Get another fill…. How much did you have last time and how long ago…??

    Love John xxx

    #39439
    pgoldsmith
    Member

    Ooh, I have a date for my first fill on the 7th Nov, exactly 1 month post surgery.

    Paul

    #39438
    pgoldsmith
    Member

    Nettie, how long til you can get another fill?

    #39441
    Rosie Posie
    Member

    Hi Nettie
    Try to stay focused, don’t eat to much. When is your next fill? I always get mine 4-6weeks apart. You will find it gets tighter for longer as you get nearer your correct restriction. Have had a good day today, only been sick once, hope this continues, have hospital on Thursday. Was going to ask for some fluid out, but not so sure now. Keep in touch.
    Rosie x

    Sent from my iPad using WLS FORUM

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