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Coping with negative life experiences.

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Viewing 10 posts - 1 through 10 (of 10 total)
  • Author
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  • #31401
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Well, what a time of it I am having.

    Firstly, family ill health. Then having to cancel my surgery and then last week my beloved rescue Greyhound Bennie died in terribly ‘violent’ and upsetting circumstances.

    I came down in the morning exactly one week ago to find my whole house covered in blood. I mean great big pools of it everywhere. In that split second, I thought someone had broken in and murdered my son who’s bedroom is on the ground floor. Then I saw my dog. If I am truly honest, I knew that moment that he was not going to make it. We rushed him straight to the emergency out-of-hours vet (it was 5am) and they put him on a drip, antibiotics and painkillers. He was booked in for a scan later. It turned out that he had suffered a massive bleed out of his kidneys that he had vomited up several times.

    He died at 5pm, in my arms, showered in love and kisses. We rescued him seven years ago from a terrible situation as a dumped ex racer. We took him home where he was loved, spoiled, cherished and cared for. Two walks a day EVERY day come rain, shine or snow! He was fed well, had a cosy bed and a daft Chocolate Labrador (Pippy) for company.

    It has been one week exactly and my eating has totally gone to pot – again. I have found myself eating hardly anything all day as I have tried to find things to keep me constantly busy but picking for about two hours from 7pm onwards. Then I have chosen carb rich ‘comfort’ food. It couldn’t get much worse could it?

    I’m sharing this with you all because I want to show you that when life gives us lemons, we can’t always find the resolve to make lemonade. I am so heartbroken that I have stopped caring about myself. That frame of mind is our WORST enemy. It was the one that got most of us into the situation of needing wls. However, I now have the tools to recognise what I am doing and be able to put it right. I now know that by not caring for myself, I run the risk of slipping back into old and deadly habits. I don’t deserve to be self abandoned!!

    So, I have had a week of neglecting myself and my newly found and fought for better health – but it STOPS right here. Nothing is going to bring back my Bennie and I just have to accept it. In fact it would be disrespectful of his memory to allow myself to use his passing as a reason to revert back to old, bad habits. He deserves better! Today, I will walk my other dog (who is grieving terribly. He keeps wandering around the house looking for his pal (gulp)) up to my parents’ house to meet my Sister’s new puppy. We couldn’t let her puppy come to us when Bennie was alive as he is small and fluffy….

    Life will always send us negative experiences but it’s how we deal with them that will, quite literally, shape our new lives post wls. Accept that we might not always win all the battles but never give up the fight to win the war. When loved ones leave us, animal or human, we should try to use the memory of them and how much love was shared to forge onwards and upwards (or downwards in our case!) with a happier and healthier life. It’s a terrible cliche but true – it’s what they would have wanted! I know the passing of a dog is nowhere near the same as a human’s but to those of us who consider our pets as family, it’s not far from being the same. It hurts like mad but life has to go on. It always will. So try to make it a better one.

    When we have learned to still carry on after a negative life experience, it is affirmation that we have become mentally stronger as well as lighter and healthier. In my humble opinion, that is the most important achievement.

    So, I would like to thank my darling Bennie for the lesson his life and death has given me: Never give up. He was in a hellish situation for three years but never gave up. His spirit was never broken. Then he walked over to me and chose me. He put his head on my leg, leant against me and trusted me with his life. I’m pretty certain that I fulfilled his wishes. In return he gave me unconditional love, companionship and a warm, gentle head to stroke when life was difficult.

    Doodah x

    #50185
    treeza
    Member

    Oh Doodah so sad to lose a little member of the family x sending a big hug xx

    #50178
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Thanks my lovely. My dogs are like my surrogate children! My others have all died peacefully of old age but Bennie didn’t have such luck ๐Ÿ™

    Doodah x

    #50183
    brown69owl
    Member

    Big hugs , such a sad thing to read.

    You can do this , you are a strong and amazing lady.

    Lots of love
    Jackie x

    #50184
    jansus28
    Member

    Amazing you are my inspiration !!! Xxxx

    #50179
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Thank you SO MUCH. My goodness, I hope I can live up to your expectations!

    I honestly believe that animals have much to teach us about surviving when life is hard. They rarely give up. I think it is because they only want the important things in life: shelter, food, water, health and love and not necessarily in that order.I miss my big gentle boy so much.

    Doodah x

    #50186
    alismum
    Member

    I am so sorry. It is like losing member of the family. Lots of hugs.

    ali’smum xxx

    #50180
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Thank you so much. I’m so lucky to have so many people rooting for me. I honestly don’t know what I would do without you guys xxx

    It’s been two weeks and a day and I’m still hurting like crazy. Not having Bennie sat on the rug next to my desk is terrible – even if the smell of his evil farts has gone. I would give anything to have him back – but healthy and full of beans again. He was an old man and his magnificent, ex-racer’s body just gave out.

    Gotta stop now. Crying again. Don’t think I will stop for a very long time ๐Ÿ™

    Thank you xx

    Doodah x

    #50182
    Deifersmum
    Participant

    Oh Doodah, I do feel for you, as the owner of the smartest most loving german shepherd cross the planet has ever know I can totally empathise with you, Zak was also a rescue having been found abandoned and extremely thin, he is now my best friend, sole mate and rock. So you can imagine my heartbreak when we found out he had to have a hip replacement at the grand old age of 2 and a half, if anything had happened to him during that operation I would have been sitting here in tears too.

    However, you are a true inspiration to us all, proof that life does go on and your Bennie wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Take care and don’t throw anything of his away, I put my spaniel’s belonging in a memory box and I occasionally go up in the attic and look at the things in there, as much as I love Zak my Deifer was perfect.

    Take care and remember him with pride.

    Lots of love and big hugs.

    Lesley
    xxx

    #50181
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    @Deifersmum 28913 wrote:

    Oh Doodah, I do feel for you, as the owner of the smartest most loving german shepherd cross the planet has ever know I can totally empathise with you, Zak was also a rescue having been found abandoned and extremely thin, he is now my best friend, sole mate and rock. So you can imagine my heartbreak when we found out he had to have a hip replacement at the grand old age of 2 and a half, if anything had happened to him during that operation I would have been sitting here in tears too.

    However, you are a true inspiration to us all, proof that life does go on and your Bennie wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. Take care and don’t throw anything of his away, I put my spaniel’s belonging in a memory box and I occasionally go up in the attic and look at the things in there, as much as I love Zak my Deifer was perfect.

    Take care and remember him with pride.

    Lots of love and big hugs.

    Lesley
    xxx

    Thank you so much Lesley.

    You know what? I haven’t thrown away anything that belonged to any of my beloved dogs. We still have Bertie’s collar from 19 years ago, also Arnie’s from 6 years ago and of course my beautiful Bennie’s collar, tag and lead. We had to throw away bennie’s bedding as it was totally ruined with blood and other stuff. I also didn’t try to salvage it as my poor little Pippy is still trying to find him ๐Ÿ™ He had a funny 5 mins in the park over the weekend – running around like he had a rocket up his bum looking for Bennie. He went so mad in the Forest on saturday that he has hurt his leg again and is having to do lead walks only. Poor boy.

    It’s so true that life has to go on. It’s the way of things and is probably for the best really. I’m so grateful for all the support you are all giving me. It’s truly heartwarming. Thank you xxxx

    Doodah x

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