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A small dilemma

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Viewing 7 posts - 1 through 7 (of 7 total)
  • Author
    Posts
  • #31685
    bikerchris
    Participant

    Hi,

    There is a little grocery shop that I visit nearly every day and since I had my op, the guy who works there has mentioned my weight loss a few times, been complimentary and asked how I’ve done it. Now with a lot of people, I’ve been forthcoming about having wls, however this is nice and I like him, but he’s not a friend so I’ve glossed overit saying I’ve reduced my portions and taken more exercise, which is not a lie.

    This morning, however, he asked if I could write down exactly what I’m doing as his wife has been diagnosed with diabetes and needs to lose 3 stones. What would you say?

    I don’t think he’s being over-nosy, just genuinely interested and hopes I can help his wife. Any ideas welcome

    Chris x

    #53550
    Whitey
    Member

    Hi Chris
    I think you need to reveal what you feel comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable telling everyone about your WLS don’t feel you have to. I had a similar situation after my surgery and I just said I was eating smaller portions and not drinking alchol which was true. It took me quite a long time to tell people about my op and I only do it now when I choose to. After all it’s your business and up to you what you reveal. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t tell!

    #53552
    Lelly
    Member

    @bikerchris 33264 wrote:

    Hi,

    There is a little grocery shop that I visit nearly every day and since I had my op, the guy who works there has mentioned my weight loss a few times, been complimentary and asked how I’ve done it. Now with a lot of people, I’ve been forthcoming about having wls, however this is nice and I like him, but he’s not a friend so I’ve glossed overit saying I’ve reduced my portions and taken more exercise, which is not a lie.

    This morning, however, he asked if I could write down exactly what I’m doing as his wife has been diagnosed with diabetes and needs to lose 3 stones. What would you say?

    I don’t think he’s being over-nosy, just genuinely interested and hopes I can help his wife. Any ideas welcome

    Chris x

    I, personally, would tell him the truth, you haven’t lied, you just have not attached a sandwich board to your back and we are all allowed some privacy. Now though, he has asked and told you about his wife, he must be worried so make his and her day and tell them what you have achieved with some professional help, you now have the chance to help her health.

    Lelly x

    #53549
    Paul-H
    Participant

    Just tell him you have swapped your dinner plate for a tea plate to help control portion size.

    Its not telling porkies as we should all have done that ๐Ÿ˜‰ right, and if everyone did that it would go a long way towards solving the general obesity problem that the western world suffers from every day now.

    You don’t have to tell them everything if you don’t want to, but some people just need to know the ins and outs of a ducks what-sit even though they are not entitled to know it. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Paul

    #53547
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    It is entirely up to you what you say and do – it is your own private and confidential business.

    However, I am not comfortable with any of you being made to feel guilty mostly due to the negative press and media response to wls. If you had a cataract operation to help you see, would you feel guilty telling people? Or a plaster cast for a broken leg?

    Having wls is NOT cheating, and it isn’t a ‘cop out’ either. We have asked for surgical intervention to improve our health both now and in the future. Why should we feel bad about it? We all know how hard it is. We don’t wake up after the surgery all slim and healthy. We have to work at it for the rest of our lives and it can be a hard slog sometimes.

    So, you say whatever you like to him – it is your business and yours alone. But please don’t feel ‘ashamed’ that you have asked for and been given medical help. Wls might help his wife enormously. They can see how much it has helped you and they might be truly grateful that you pointed them in the right direction.

    Doodah x

    #53551
    bikerchris
    Participant

    Thanks everyone. It is clear some people feel strongly on “telling” or not. I really was looking for ideas on how to offer assistance as requested but still fib a little. It’s not that I feel any embarrassment or shame having had wls, I’ve told loads of people and only had positive reactions. It’s just I didn’t really want do go into a big discussion over it with this guy. As I say, he is nice and I like him, but really he’s just the guy who sells me a newspaper and a pint of milk, not a mate. I think Paul’s “small plate” suggestion is the way I’ll go.

    What I did like, Doodah, is the way you have reared up to protect your fellows saying you’re not comfortable with anyone being made to feel guilty. You were like a lioness protecting your cubs there, love it! Seriously, I really do feel a common bond on this forum. Whether pre-op or post-op, there is an intense feeling of all standing together.

    Chris x

    #53548
    Lauren
    Keymaster

    Haha! I have been sussed, Chris! I know I come on strong but I really do feel like we are a ‘family’ on here. We share the highs and lows and it makes no difference whether or not we have met in ‘real’ life. We are usually people that, at some point in our lives have had to justify ourselves and that saddens me. That’s why I’m so vocal about wls not being the ‘easy way out’.

    How about saying it’s all about portion control like Paul suggested, or joining Slimming World or Weight Watchers? Many people join such a group just for the support after wls. As he is an acquaintance more than a friend, it’s a fair diversionary tactic.

    I’m so happy you feel supported here. This forum has been a life line for me too in the past. Not only are we encouraged to support each other but also to be kind to ourselves. And put ourselves first – for once. It’s not being selfish. It’s doing what we would do for others but for ourselves. It’s actually a very hard thing to do!

    Anyway, here I go again with the verbal diarrhoea lol. You have been kind enough to care about someone you don’t know that well, to ask for ideas on how to help him. I hope you realise what a wonderful person that makes you ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Doodah x

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