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@hmb74 29119 wrote:
Been AWOL for a while. It is 15 mths since my op. I had my last appointment at St Richard’s on April 23 and managed to stay still for two whole months. Didn’t lose, didn’t gain. Month 3? Gained 7 lbs. Not impressed. Ok, so it’s not much in the grand scheme of things. I’m still 9 st 3 lbs less than when I had the pre-op appointment. It 7 lbs more than is comfortable though.
Current weight = 20 st on the nose.
Yeah, I know why it happened:
* I reached a weight that I had been trying to achieve for YEARS (20st) and, just like a typical addict, started thinking “Oh, great. I’ve got there. I don’t need to work so hard any more.” – er, yeah you do! Remove head from sand and stop imitating ostrich …
* There’s been a lot of emotional family upheaval over the past few months – the death of my paternal grandfather. No, this isn’t bad news. He was a nasty piece of work who got his kicks from doing things to kids that he had no right to do (including me between the ages of 8-12, my aunts, my uncle, my dad, my grandmother …). What is bad news is that the older generation still have their heads stuck well and truly in the past. There have been revelations that I can’t go into here, reminders, questions, people raking up a few hundred skip loads of CR@P … Dad and my half sister had a 3 hour conversation about that THING and what it did to those it was supposed to love, went into detail about what happened to other people. My half sister doesn’t drive. I live in Farnborough – picked her up from Basingstoke and took her to Guildford to see dad. They had this long, deep and distressing conversation with me sitting in the room, then I had to to take my half sister home again.
I’m going through high intensity counselling to try and break free from this rubbish and recent events knocked me sideways. I gave in to the emotional eating. When it was all happening I was on my own. My counsellor was on holiday. I wrote it all down and gave it to her to read.
Today I got on Mum’s scales and saw I was back upto 20 st after getting down to 19st 7 lbs and BOY, was I peeved. With me, with them, with HIM. Went out and did a food shop, came home and chucked the bread, pasta, rice, cous cous and pre-made sauces in the bin (I KNOW this stuff bloats me, so why did I start having it again???). Painstakingly wrapped meat in individual portions before freezing …
I’m on a mission – these 7 lbs are GOING, and then I start making more goals.
Right now, I need sleep.
I simply cannot thank you enough for being so utterly honest and brave in posting this here for us to see. It must have taken huge amounts of courage.
You all know that I had three years plus of therapy before I even considered having wls. I knew I had to fix ‘Me’ before I could make any sort of start on my my body. It was one of the most harrowing and painful periods of my life as I dredged up things I thought were long forgotten. I almost gave it up as it was just too hurtful. I would come home every week, be physically sick then go to bed exhausted both mentally and physically. But I kept going and it helped me to realise that I am NOT responsible for other people’s actions and reactions. It set me free to concentrate on myself and the future i deserved.
I think the high intensity counselling you are undertaking will help you more than you could ever imagine. If you need any support whilst going through it, drop me a message ok?
I would also say – at this stage, don’t get too hung up on the numbers on the scales. Emotional health brings about physical well-being and my guess is that your weight will start dropping off again as you start to feel empowered once more – just like we do after weight loss surgery.
The other thing you need? That sleep your body must be craving. We heal ourselves whilst sleeping. Ask your GP for help if it doesn’t happen. You may need some (temporary) help in that respect. Sleep deprivation is murderous towards achieving goals as it overpowers everything else. It’s why it’s why it is used as a very effective form of torture!
My heart aches for you, it really does but I see a brave and completely determined person who WILL help herself to get back the life she deserves xxx
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