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I want to rant and rave about feeling rejected.
As most of you know my Dad died in June, since then things have been up and down, yes it is all emotions. But today was the final straw, i would have reached for the diet coke and crisps and chocolate, but decided to come on here and rant instead.
Lets start back in June… When organising my Dad’s funeral with my sisters I said that my kids wanted to have flowers saying PAPA (thats what they called him), well they decided only 1 lot of flowers on the coffin whilst I was out of the room talking with the minister (vicar). Okay not a big issue. The day we scattered his ashes we went to lunch well 1 sister sat opposite Mum and the other next to Mum when I went to sit on the other side of Mum the eldest said “Didn’t I think Mark (my eldest son) should sit there cos he loves his Gran!”. Well I got up and went to the end of the table, I was feeling sad anyway and that just finished me that day. I was crying and wailing. Anyway as it was in a Garden centre hubby and I went out for a walk round, I was just crying well my sister came out and said what’s wrong!!! I just said I want my Daddy back. Her response “Well you cant have him back” Yea I know she’s right, but I was really in a bad place. Anyways the next day we were going to my Uncles funeral and our daughter had asked if she could have my Dads flat cap, it held special memories for her Mum said yes then turned on Julie when she went to lift it. (Mum has Alzheimers’). So we mentioned it to my sisters and said that our kids would like something as a memento of Dad and obviously their kids may feel the same NO they said there is nothing their kids wanted, okay no probs, but ours would like something so when things are being cleared out let them have something. You would have thought I just grew horns they way they looked at me. Well 3 weeks later I was back up in Scotland looking after Mum so my eldest sister could go away for a break, so I was doing some of the clearing out and found my Dad’s army cap badge and my Grandson Jack had expressed and interest in having something particularly from the war so thought that most appropriate so mentioned to said sister her reply “I think it should be left in the house for now and not taken as it’s Mum’s property now” So it is sitting in the drawer and has not seen the light of day since I found it!!! I might add that whilst I was up looking after Mum my Mother-in-Law died, so again I was not feeling great.
Then we come to August. My Dad would have been 90 on the 20th August, so we decided that we would go up to Liverpool and have a family meal with our sons and Daughter. Then my sister said that she and Mum were coming down so we changed our plans and I said I would do dinner for everyone on the 20th. Great came the response. So had the meal organised and then on the Thursday 18th I mentioned that I was changing the desert so my sister then said “don’t think we will be able to eat dinner as we are going out to lunch with Joan(other sister) and her kids”. Bit my tongue. We werent even invited to join them for lunch. They came round for drinks in the evening, yes it was a good evening, but had been spoilt.
The last thing. I have just been up looking after Mum as Helen was away on a cruise. Whilst there I tried on my Mum’s mink coat which she got for her 21st birthday and yes it fitted me. I felt great, Mum said take it home with you, I said no I’d get it another time. Well today I spoke to Helen on the phone and mentioned this to her, she tells me that Katrina (our niece) is interested in having that so guess what I said nothing.
When Mum goes I will take nothing other than things we have bought for her. Then I don’t have to see my sisters again. That is how I feel. I am crying as I am typing this. I feel that me and mine mean nothing and are just there to be used when it suits.
Rant over. Just thought if I put it down here I won’t do anything silly.