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Re: The fight against bullying and prejudice.

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#47488
Doodah
Keymaster

Hi Jay

Thank you SO much for highlighting this crucial yet often overlooked issue.

I believe that most obese people will ‘feel’ obese inside for the rest of their lives, even after reaching their goal. I am over four years post op but in my head is the notion: ‘Once a fattie, always a fattie’. I still consider myself to be a ‘recovering’ fat person every bit as much as an alcoholic, smoker or drug addict would. My Mum gave up smoking 15 years ago due to a health scare (thank goodness she did as she now has severe COPD) but classes herself as a ‘Non-smoking smoker’.

I still check out the seating at restaurants, buy premier seats at the cinema and have a micro second of panic if I am a passenger in someone else’s car as I worry the seat belt won’t go round me.

Jay you say that your supportive wife compares the new to the old you. Does that mean that she now compares the new you favourably to the old and it makes you feel upset for the old you? I know I haven’t worded that very well but what I am trying to say is, do you feel sorry for the old you when someone critises him? If that is so, I am right there with you. When friends or family poke (gentle) fun at the old me, sometimes I get really defensive. Someone recently asked me ‘What do you feel when you see old pictures of yourself – did you realise how awful you looked?’!! I don’t know what they were expecting me to say but I replied ‘Actually, I feel sorry for her. She looks unhealthy, unhappy and un loved.’ My honest reply really shocked them. It was as if I had directly accused them of not loving me. It isn’t what I meant entirely but I felt such an overwhelming need to defend my former self that it just came out.

Of course what I really meant was that I didn’t love myself either. I’ve since had 3 years of therapy and I no longer feel like that. However, this was many years before I had my bypass. By learning to like myself, I allowed myself to be rescued from my prison of obesity with the help of wls and a wonderful surgeon and his team.

Sorry for waffling on Jay, but I think your point is so important that it prompted me to share my own experiences too. I hope others on here will do the same. Only WE know the struggle that goes on in our heads every single day. That’s also the reason I get so angry when people say that wls in the ‘easy option’. Is it heck as like!

Doodah x

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