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Re: Selfish

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@treeza 29587 wrote:

Sorry but I’m about to have a rant but I need to let this out. All my life probably from my first memories I have always thought of others way before myself sometimes to my detriment. I held onto my own stresses, sadness & worries to shoulder others woo’s. Since having my surgery 12 weeks ago I had to be kind to myself, do what’s right for me & basically be selfish! My goodness how quick you learn that people do not repay that kindness. I have learnt who my true friends are! Some have been a huge shock! You learn something everyday! I’m feeling very sad & let down. However at least I know now. :0(x

Treeza, I am delighted that you have posted this. Not because you are feeling so sad but because it shows that you are finally putting yourself first for once, despite some of the negative reactions you are experiencing. I’m also pleased that you feel you have somewhere to vent where you will NEVER be judged.

I am over five years post wls and I am still losing friends I thought were for life. It is heartbreaking initially but after a while you feel better because you find out who your REAL friends are.

There must be a huge element of jealousy to contend with too. We try to make sure our patients understand that not everyone will be delighted for you. Your success and improved health and esteem will be a niggling reminder to them that they might need to do the same in their lives. Your real friends will be so happy for you that they will almost feel like it is rubbing off on them!

Not one of my dearest ‘old’ friends of 40+ years standing has been jealous of my weight loss and improved life. They have celebrated it with me and made me feel wonderful. It has been the friends who came into my life later (or after wls) that have decided that they no longer want to be in my life. It hurts like hell but I turn to my oldest friends for comfort.

This is also where support groups come into their own. Everyone there will be so happy for you that you may even feel comfortable enough to have a little ‘Yay, go ME’ with them! It’s not boasting, it’s just sharing a life changing and improving time in your life with supportive, positive and understanding group of people.

When I see people going from being scared and unhappy pre op to being happy and healthier post op it totally makes my day. Someone once asked me if I got jealous when other people lost more weight than me!! Are you KIDDING me? I LOVE it. I think it says quite a bit about the person asking me that question.

Don’t ever apologise for having a rant on here Treeza. It’s what it’s here for.

Enjoy your weekend and be proud of the fact that it’s everyone else changing – not you. If people aren’t happy for you then they are not your friends. It’s a really tough lesson to learn I know but nothing in life is free so to speak.

You are worth it, as the advert says!

Doodah x

ps Mr Chris Pring recommends this book by the psychologist Jenny Radcliffe:

I really must get it!

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