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Re: mandyl’s Weight Loss Journey

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#35757
mandyl
Member

i just want to say a massive thankyou to you all.
i really thought i wasnt wanted which i actually feel ashamed about even thinking that 🙁
I had a horrible childhood,bullied and a mother who said it was always my fault. Then went onto work only to be bullied throughout.
I had a fantastic job riding racehorses only to have the boss calling me a terrible name .I went home and told my then husband that i would end my life if he made me go back. Ever since ive not really fitted in . had a job with steve but then fell off my horse,broke my wrist and was too scared to go back.
Id given up doing anything and just stayed in,the flat was a tip. Didnt have any freinds really and steve told me i didnt need any as i had him.
One day in may 2008 steve came home from work and by 9 was gone. I had to ring police to track down my brother (hes a policeman) but wasnt answering his phone. bless him he came straight down 50 miles at about midnight.
I had to sort everything on my own including my horse. he wouldnt answer phone or anything,a week later he says he wants me to move out. I didnt until 3 months later when i found somewhere for me and my cat tigger( mickley sadly died 2 wks after steve left)
dont get me wrong it was better as i couldnt afford mortgage and didnt want the repossesion worry.
Iam better than i was say 4yrs ago but sometimes just feel like i cant cope. Steve swans about in his car with his cushy job and his girlfreind he cheated on me with and sometimes just gets too much. ive been on tablets a long time and its mostly the anxiety that effects me now.
my op has changed my life for the better but i def was prepared. i researched everything over and over but didnt realise how hard going home to no one was.
my brother tried his hardest but works hard and is 50 miles away. rest of my family didnt want to know.
looking back guy and team saved my life in more ways than one.
thing is i still feel guilty,i gave him a terrible time,although alot of my symptoms were physchological it was real to me i was genuinly terrified. but it upsets me than i gave him so much greif,2nd op tests galore and poor man seing my name on his list. lol.
well thats me really,off for a bath ,dont think ill eat lunch getting nervous now . xx

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