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aw many many many happy new years to you Doodah Sue, you are an amazingly inspiring young gorgeous woman! and thank you for putting yourself out there the way you do, you certainly are a true inspiration for me and will continue to be for a long time to come of that I am certain 😀

Its QA Portsmouth and I am due to arrive around 2pm on Sunday to stay from the day before, op will be Monday morning, I simply can not wait.

For me it is the greatest possible gift I could ever have imagined giving to myself in the whole world.

Each time I look at myself a year or more ago in pictures, I know for certain it is absolutely THE right thing and pathway forwards for me. I look now nothing like myself even just twelve months ago where I looked so huge, tired all the time, heavily breathing louder than the dog, unable to move about, infection after infection for all different types of weird obscure things internally, polycystic ovaries, incontinent, just down right miserable and uncomfortable.

At exactly 23:59 on the 31st December 2011 I snapped a picture of myself using my laptop’s webcam, the room was dark so I was lit by the flash only as it was night time and everyone was asleep. I took a long hard look at that grainy picture of my face and head with an inner voice screaming silent in the room yet at full volume inside my head at my screen that in twelve months time the photo taken in the middle of the night will look incredibly different. As I’ll be in hospital having had surgery earlier that day, the photo will be different to that of a planned one with makeup and hair but then the original has none of that either so I shall snap that photo if I can reach my laptop on the day and see the two together. I am absolutely certain that if I were to do that same impromptu image right now and compare it to last year’s one the two will look nothing like each other. Imagining what 23:59 31st December 2013’s image will look like excites me no end.

All I have ever wanted when I grow up is to be loved, now I have my own family and children I am loved completely unconditionally by them but what I hadnt realised until this year was that it only made sense when I started to love myself without ugliness and an inner war which has raged on for me my entire life. Now I’ve faced it and passed all of that monumental struggle, all I want for me is to be thin, healthy and live a longer life than the one I would have had if I stayed on the same road I was previously on and to basically enjoy every moment of my life even the future difficult bits.

So its absolutely true what you say, put your mind to it and you can achieve a massive lifestyle change but it all definitely started with changing the inside first and the outside second. This is what I have found working for me.

Happy New Year to YOU Sweetie and willing everything to go smoothly for everyone having their op within the first week of the new year 😀

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