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Re: Another new girl to the forum looking for advice

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#51016
Doodah
Keymaster

@Lotta 29684 wrote:

Hello,

:help:

I decided on WLS only a few months ago, when one morning I couldn’t get out of bed because the osteoarthritus in my knee was excrutiatingly painful. I ended up in A&E on codeine and crutches. That was the day I decided I HAD to change my life.

Since then I have been doing loads of research. I’ve met with both Mr Somers and Mr Slater, two nutritionists and met with a friend-of-a-friend who had a Sleeve op last year. I’ve also read lots of websites, watched videos on YouTube, started following this forum (since last weekend) and I am halfway through Jenny Radcliffe’s book, Cut Down to Size.

I am coming up against a lot of resistance from my family and friends. Fortunately my husband is being brilliant, and although he doesn’t really want me to have WLS he is willing to support me as long as I have done all my research and I am 1001% sure! One of my two closest friends was all for it as soon as I told her. But everyone else, especially my Mum, are really anti, and I am finding their disapproval very hard to deal with and it’s really demotivating. To get my frustration off my chest I started a blog just this weekend – if you’re interested you’ll find it at Bariatric Barriers

In my mind I am 99.9999999% sure I want a Gastric Bypass and I am thinking of February time, but I have just two concerns not completely answered by my research so far.

The first is that I am an emotional eater and I am concerned that once I can’t use food as my support I will have problems emotionally and mentally.

The second is that I have quite a lot on my plate at the moment: renovating a house (although not living amongst the rubble fortunately: I’m in rented accommodation), I’m unemployed but it looks like I might start a new job in the next couple of months, and finally I am doing a digital marketing course which is taking up a lot of my spare time and doesn’t end until next March.

So, if you don’t mind, what I’d like to find out from forum members is…
1. What would you recommend about emotional eating and dealing with the lack of food after WLS
2. Whether you think I have enough on my plate and I should think about delaying my WLS until later than Feb 2014
3. How I can deal with people trying to stop me having WLS (mostly it’s because they don’t understand it, but in Mum’s case it’s she not only doesn’t understand but doesn’t WANT to understand WLS – this is my Mum at the moment: :lalala: and :fear:)

Also, I really gained a lot from meeting with the friend-of-a-friend who’d had WLS. Do you think it’s beneficial to go to a group, and if so how many visits did it take for you to get all the information you needed to make your decision?

This really is a lot to ask of people I don’t know, but you all seem to be so lovely and so supportive of one another. Yours is a lovely community to be part of.

Thank you everyone.
Lotta xxx

Firstly, welcome Lotta to our friendly forum. You will receive nothing but support encouragement and friendship on here, I promise you.

Your post could probably have been written by almost any of us! I don’t think anyone has 100% support pre op. The people who are anti are usually either frightened or ill informed. This proves that you mean a great deal to them as they are scared to death that you are going to have major surgery. That is totally understandable when you sit back and look at it rationally. They would be worried if you were having any other kind of major surgery really wouldn’t they? Also I think the fact that it is elective surgery troubles people – you have chosen to do it.

Sit down with your Mum armed with all the information you can find and ask her to listen to you. then, calmly but firmly explain what it actually entails and your reasons for doing so. Does your Mum fully understand how miserable you really are? It can be very hard to admit that you need help. As a mother, if you ask for her help, she will give it. If she is still anti after that then you will have to accept that she just doesn’t want to hear it. The only thing you can do then is to prove to her that you did the right thing and have the surgery, lose your weight and become happier and healthier.

Emotional eating. WOW do we all know about that little demon!? I’m not going to kid you and say it’s easy, however, it is easier to deal with than you think because your ‘real’ hunger will be gone and as you lose weight you will become so much more engaged in life that you will have little time to think about it. Also, if you are going for a bypass, the actual mechanisms of it will stop you because if you eat junk, you are going to feel pretty rotten with ‘dumping’ syndrome.

‘Head hunger’ is the one thing we all have to really fight. We are emotional eater so it is part of the fabric of who we are. BUT you will feel so much better all the time both physically and emotionally that it will become easier and easier. just a word of warning here – cross addictions. Some people swap food for other things. It could be exercise (I’m not kidding!) shopping (mine) travel, or something more insidious like alcohol. This is where support comes in both from the professionals and the likes of us – your new friends. Support groups are, in my very humble opinion, an absolute must for long term success. Having a place to go where you can be 100% honest without fear of judgement is crucial. You will also get that here. It won’t always be what you want to hear but it will always be honest and in your best interest.

Finally, do you have too much on your plate? My honest answer to this is – you will always have ‘too much on your plate’ (such an apt saying for us lol!) no matter when you decide to do it. Life gets in the way of living Lotta and it always will.

About, 20 years ago, I had two small children, a husband, a house a dog and a job. I decided to go to University full time to get a degree to go into teaching. My life could not have been busier but I did it. NOW, I don’t know how as I was also 23 stone!!! But i did it because I wanted it SO much. I managed. We always do. I think that being super busy makes the important stuff easier. Putting things off until you life is more settled often means that you will never have it done. Ask anyone on here and other groups what is the one thing they regret about having wls. I guarantee they will say that they wish they had had it done sooner. So, don’t put it off until you have the time. You won’t ever have it if you do as life is crazy busy all the time.

I say this every day and I always mean it – just for once in your life, put YOURSELF first. Be as kind to yourself as you are to everyone else. This is your life to do with as you please. You do NOT need anyone else’s approval. If your Mum can’t/won’t support you then do it without her. When she sees how much healthier and happy you become, she will come round. You are her baby and she is probably worried about you. Try to see it form her point of view but don’t let her opposition rule you. YOU are the boss of you!

Anyway, I will shut up now haha! Always running off at the mouth, me. Please be 100% comforted with the knowledge that whatever you decide to do, we will all support you. The lovely people on this forum have helped me through some pretty rough times that are not even wls related. You could not be in better company 😉

Doodah x

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